property='og:type'/> Kerry on regardless: Mr Fear, your work here is done. You may leave.

Thursday, 29 May 2014

Mr Fear, your work here is done. You may leave.

I have been reluctant to start a blog because of fear.
Fear of many things but the greatest has always been the fear of my EX-husband. You see we have been divorced since September 2003.I have always been vigilant about privacy settings on social media because of this.
When I got a message on Facebook last year I was horrified, my heart was racing, I cried a lot and got angry and crazy thoughts whirled through my head. I was worried that he’d been “watching” me, my kids or those nearest and dearest to me. How did he see those pictures when my profile was set to private?
Fortunately a good friend managed to track him down and told me the vicinity of where he was working and living. Given that he was now in close proximity to where we were my nerves were frayed and I was on edge. I had started a job and he’d asked somebody to send an email on his behalf to my new company “this is a email for a new employee called kerry ann vollmer,hows douglas and demi?,thanks their biological father”

He wasn’t at all concerned with them, he wanted to see whether Mr Fear the chap he introduced me to was still around.
I have always been honest with my children and warned them to be vigilant. I fielded the questions from my children as to who he was, what he said, what he looked like (I have no photographs) and I believe that my children experienced emotional trauma of their own.  It took a few months for the fear to subside and the questions from my children to be quenched. .
You see that day, Mr fear that I’d forgotten about whilst building a beautiful life for my little family tapped me on the shoulder to remind me of his presence and has stayed with me until today.
Today, I gave Mr Fear his marching orders. 
Mr Fear was well dressed in a tweed suit with a waistcoat, tie and fedora; his cane was resting against the chair he sat on, opposite me at my desk. A pleasant gentleman he was, when I told him that I had called the meeting to terminate his services he got up, smiled, tipped his hat and he walked off whistling.
Sean, if you’re reading this I’m happy you are. I know that those emails and Facebook messages weren't an honest attempt at seeing how your “biological”children are doing, you used somebody else’s email address and you deleted the Facebook profile you made.
I’m going to share pieces of your “biological” children’s lives on this blog. I feel sorry for you because you have never known them. 
You see Sean, you haven’t heard their voices, you haven’t celebrated their victories, and you haven’t dried their tears or squashed their fears, you haven’t explained to them why you aren't with them or why you've never visited them or felt their arms around your neck or gentle kisses. That is why I am grateful for my role in their lives and I thank you for your “biological” participation, without which they would not be here now and I thank you for the lesson you offered me on Fear.
What I know about Fear is that it will only stay with you for as long as you nurture it. You see today when I said goodbye to Mr Fear there was no arguments or ugliness, he got up, tipped his hat and left. This is because he knew that I would no longer give him what he needed to survive.

Kerry on regardless.

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